I haven’t posted anything for more than a month, which has never happened since I started this blog, almost three years ago.
I was away from blogging.
Any social media, really.
And I feel like I should explain.
At first I thought it was all justified.
That I didn’t have time because I just moved out.
Because I had so much work.
Too much work.
And not enough air in my lungs.
But then I realized I was making up excuses.
I was avoiding my posts.
I was diving headfirst into decorating my flat, and working, and gardening, and oh my god anything really.
I was taking every tiny little thing that got in the way and gave it my entire attention, glad to have an excuse not to show up on social medias.
I wasn’t completely sure until a few days ago, really.
Not because I was busy.
I was just scared.
I can’t believe I’m writing this.
I’m rarely this honest online.
A small, stupid fear grew into my brain like a goddamn spiderweb.
Fear of people judging, I guess.
Of people not even caring.
That fear is an old friend.
It wasn’t the first time it knocked on my door.
But it was the first time I opened the door so freaking wide and gave it all my keys.
It’s gone now.
Who are we kidding?
Does it ever really go away?
I don’t think so.
We just get better at hiding it.
Breathing through it.
Do you ever feel that way?
Do you ever need a break from it all?
I’d like to know.
Just thought I should explain why I wasn’t around.
But I’m back for good now!
AND I CAN’T WAIT TO CATCH UP ON EVERYONE’S POSTS.
AND I’VE GOT LOADS OF PROJECTS I’M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT.
AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SHARE THEM WITH Y’ALL.